Questions

So my promise to blog a little more frequently is not panning out too well. Sorry all. Life is busy, but good. I don't have too much to add...way too much has happened to actually catch you up on it. 


Instead, I thought I would write a more serious post. Over the last few weeks, I've done a lot of questioning. Most of these questions surround my purpose here in Venezuela and my role as a missionary. 


I very much feel like a teacher, despite these last two weeks that only had one day of actual school. During a normal week, I spend much of my time teaching classes, grading papers, and planning lessons at night. In between all that I fit in 3 days of tutoring so much so that I feel like I math coming out my ears. I love math, but seriously, I need a break from it. 


Anyway, all this focus on math has caused doubts as to my real role here in Caracas. While I interact with the students daily and am beginning to get to know them better, it is difficult to get anywhere beyond talk about math during class and small talk during lunch. Ten minutes of devotions just doesn't cut it. While my students are in desperate need of the gospel, I feel like I have been unable to provide that. Camp this past week with my students was a highlight, providing opportunities to get deeper with my students, but it only happens once a year. Due to all the craziness around here, Youth group and discipleship groups have been postponed for another few weeks. 


Part of this questioning comes not only from a lack of quality time with my students, but from the type of students that I teach. Most of these students have been here for years and have heard the gospel before. They know the right answers to say but reading their hearts is much more difficult. Because of this, I don't feel like I'm making any sort of impact in their lives. I know that building meaningful relationships with them takes time and that I need to allow time for God to work both in their hearts and mine, but I find myself constantly impatient. I want to be making a difference now or at least have opportunities where I can share what Christ has done in my life with others. However, these chances don't come all that often during teaching. I know that my students are always watching me and that volumes are spoken through my example. Hopefully that example is a good one more often than not.


I also don't feel like I am serving Venezuela. The majority of my students are international kids who have plans to leave Venezuela for college. While I know they need Christ just as much as the Venezuelan nationals, it still seems odd to be in a foreign country ministering to students who do not have plans to stay there. The students also come from wealthy families and their lives are nothing like the lives of the lower class in Venezuela. When I see and hear about the poverty here in Caracas and outside of the city, it breaks my heart. I want to be doing something, no matter how small, to help meet those needs. However, with all the work that comes with being a first-year teacher, I get frustrated at how little time I have to get involved in ministry outside of school. 


Before you start to worry, God is already beginning to work in this area, through encouragement from friends and the potential for some other ministry opportunities. My greatest need right now is just patience. My expectations, especially for myself, are always high and I need to allow time for God to work. I continue to find comfort and peace knowing that this is where God has me and trust that He will reveal His plans in time.


Continue praying for my students and for opportunities to interact and share the gospel with the people of Caracas. 


Highlights:


~Got sick for the first time last week Thursday...must have been something I ate. I slept all day and had a fever but felt much better the next day. Thank goodness we didn't have school. 


~Friday: made cachapas with Minerva, friend and fellow-coworker at school....cachapas are like corn pancakes that you eat with butter and cheese, so good!


~Saturday: made different types of arepas with Daniela, friend from salsa classes...loved hanging out with her again!


~Monday: Mom's birthday...got to skype with her a little. We went to dinner with our friend Leo from church. 


~Tuesday: back to school, but for only for one day before heading to Monte Sion with my students for a retreat from Wednesday to Friday


~Wednesday to Friday: Camp was great! We played some fun games and I got to bond with my students. However, I got tons of bug bites which have turned my legs into a war zone...not going to be pretty on the beaches on Panama...bummer.


~Saturday: Party for Kayla's birthday! So fun!!




Spanish word of the day: tonto, chistoso, gracioso...silly, funny, etc. 
     -when referring to a female, the word changes form: tonta, chistosa, graciosa